Cris Beam

Who is J? Though born a girl, he has known since early childhood that he is really a boy. But how to explain that to his parents, who simply consider him to be a lesbian, or to his best friend, Melissa, whom he loves but who rejects him angrily when he kisses her since she, too, regards him as a girl? Small wonder he is self-hating and angry and determined to mask the female part of his identity. But finally, sick of wearing bandages and multiple layers of baggy clothing to hide his body, he decides to take testosterone so he’ll look and sound more male. But he is only 17 and needs parental consent to do this. What to do? The solutions—like his life—are complicated and difficult. But desperate determination and the faithfulness of friends may help him to find himself and the acceptance of others. Beam has written easily the best book to date about the complicated condition of being a transsexual teen, not only sharing important information that is artfully woven into the plot but also creating, in J, a multilayered, absolutely believable character whose pain readers will share. Perhaps most importantly, the author brings clarity and charity to a state of being that has too long been misunderstood,  ignored, and deplored.—Booklist (starred review)

J, an aspiring photographer, has “never looked the way he felt inside.” Despite possessing a female appearance and genitals, he knows he’s male; finding a language that explains who he is to his family and friends, however, all of whom see him as female, is the challenge and the journey treated in this minutely observed debut novel. Trapped in a body that isn’t his, in an unhealthy friendship with self-involved dancer (and cutter) Melissa, in a home with parents who, even when they’re trying to accept him, end a “we love you no matter what” speech with “you’ll always be my baby girl,” J reaches his breaking point: he runs away, ending up in a shelter for GLBT youth that connects him to the people and ideas he needs to envision a happy future for himself. The novel’s greatest strengths are J’s voice and his clearly articulated perspective. The tone is believably histrionic, perfectly attuned to adolescence—running away/finding a girlfriend/taking testosterone will solve everything; the minimum three-month period of required therapy before J can start taking T is forever—and even readers with little familiarity with transgender issues will find plenty to relate to on an emotional level. At the same time, none of the very real challenges J faces—in matters ranging from finding a public restroom where he won’t be harassed or worse to the painful reactions of his parents—are trivialized; life may get better for J as the world changes and he grows up, but that’s not what he faces now. Still, Beam concludes on a hopeful note, with J plugged into a community of transgender teens and twentysomethings willing to befriend and mentor him, giving readers a sense of the world opening up with fresh possibility. A wealth of print and online resources for information and support are appended.—The Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books (starred review) 

Growing up, J (born as Jennifer) always thought of himself as a boy stuck in the body of a girl. In elementary school J shunned his mom’s attempts to stick him in dresses and preferred the rough-and-tumble play of boys on the playground. Now, as a teenager, J’s Puerto Rican mother and Jewish father want him to think about his future and one day start a family, a possibility that makes J feel misunderstood and anxious about what lies ahead. So after an argument with his best friend, J strikes out on his own. He starts classes at a school for transgender and gay teens, but the complications resulting from who he is and who he wants to be prevent J from truly connecting with anyone. Fed up hiding inside layers of oversized t-shirts, J decides to explore testosterone treatments and embarks on a path that will test his patience, maturity, and commitment. Author Cris Beam’s extraordinary understanding of this often overlooked population shows in J--a complex, conflicted character whose emotional journey will resonate beyond the final page. Equally impressive is Beam’s vivid dialog, which illuminates relationships and situations that any teen who has felt isolated will easily relate to. Thoughtfully researched and written, I Am J is ultimately an inspiring novel about deciding to lead the life one is meant to--no matter at what cost.—Amazon, Best Books of the Month, March 2011.

Gr 9 Up-When J reached adolescence, he quit the swim team and began covering his body with extra clothes to hide the fact that he had been born a girl. At 17, J dreams of being accepted as a boy, binding his breasts and despising his monthly periods. His close friend, Melissa, a cutter, tries her best to understand and support him. His parents are confused, angry, and sad. He runs away from home and enrolls in a special school for gay and transgender teens, where he makes a helpful friend, a transgender girl. He also embarks on a shaky romance with Blue, a straight female artist who believes J is a boy and to whom he must eventually confess the truth. When he learns about testosterone and how it can help with his transformation, he is overjoyed, despite the obstacles he faces in getting the drug legally. Finally, J turns 18 and is able to begin getting his shots. He applies to and is accepted at college to study photography as a transgender young man, and holds out hope that one day his parents will accept him as well. Beam is the author of the informative adult book, Transparent: Love, Family and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers (Houghton, 2007). This novel is just as impressive. J is an especially vivid character, and the supporting characters are carefully drawn. Told in third person, the story is believable and effective due to insightful situations, realistic language, and convincing dialogue. Readers who relished Julie Anne Peters's Luna (Little, Brown, 2004) will snap it up. —School Library Journal

J was born Jenifer but has never felt female. Now on the verge of 18, he wants to be "more than just a hovering brain without a body," and starts to transition to male. He binds his breasts; attends a school for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth; and starts therapy so he can be approved for testosterone injections. Change isn't easy: afraid of his father's rejection, J runs away temporarily, and is anxious that the girlfriend who "saw him as a man" will find out that he is "trans." Readers will learn a lot about transgender teens as J does online research, attends a support group, and gets advice from friends who have transitioned; adult author Beam (Transparent) also includes a four-page list of resources. It is J's authentic voice that keeps this challenging story from simply being a problem novel. J is sure of his masculinity, yet vulnerable and confused, and his thoughts often come out in a tangled rush. Readers should be absorbed by J's struggle to prove "My gender's not a lie. I am not a lie." Ages 15–up. —Publisher's Weekly

Cris Beam's book about transgender teenagers in L.A. is, by her own admission, ''more memoir than social science.'' Told in the first person, Transparent is a snapshot of four transgirls (i.e., people born male who live as females) she met while volunteering at a high school in the '90s. Beam vividly conveys the alienation that shapes their lives as she peeks into the bleak underworlds of prostitution and black-market hormones.—Entertainment Weekly

In this gripping, illuminating and deeply moving portrait of transgender teens in Los Angeles, the smallest incidents reverberate sharply. Beam, volunteering at a support center for trans teens, helps a young woman named Christina make changes on her driver's license: her name from Eduardo and the gender from male to female. The DMV clerk adamantly refuses to make the adjustment and only acquiesces after the humiliated Christina has a meltdown and Beam, pretending to be an ACLU lawyer, demands a supervisor. Christina is one of several, mostly minority, male-to-female transgender women to whom Beam becomes attached. Their group interactions—including fights, friendships and daily struggles to survive—form the center of the book. Though these women's lives are difficult—when Christina is beaten during an attempted rape, she has to lie to the police about being transgender—there are also moments of quick wit. As Beam morphs from parent to therapist, chum, cheerleader and legal adviser, she seamlessly blends memoir, reportage and advocacy. The result is a vivid and fiercely empathetic narrative that juxtaposes dead-on portraits of these young women with clearly articulated fury at a culture that's not only fearful of anyone who deviates from traditional gender roles but treats minorities and the poor with contempt.—Publiher's Weekly (starred review)

From the first breezy, confident paragraph of this nonfiction tale of transgender teens, you know you’re in for a compelling journey—and you know it’s with a guide you can trust. Cris Beam, a journalist and creative-writing teacher, does justice to an oft-misrepresented topic, thanks to her reporter’s chops and gift for storytelling. It all stems from a change in her own life: After she moved to Los Angeles with her girlfriend, who was pursuing a Ph.D., Beam started volunteering at a school for transgender youth. She wound up getting so involved that she and her partner became legal guardians of one of the kids, Christina.

Throughout the book, Beam seamlessly shifts between objective-reporter techniques and a more personal, I-got-involved tone that’s never self-indulgent. Not only do we get sneak peeks into the lives of Christina, Domineque, Foxxjazell and Ariel—individuals who are alternately sweet, fierce, damaged, strong and heartbreakingly needy—we also learn snippets about Beam, and how she experienced rejection for being a lesbian. She educates us about this particular L.A.-transgirl (male-to-female) culture, which is fraught with homelessness, group-home drama, silicone abuse, prostitution, drugs, jail and regular incidents of violence. Instead of regarding her topic from a cool distance, the author shows us how she became a part of this world, mentoring Christina through highs and lows. Along the way, we get insight from experts, a nice bit of transgender history and some wonderfully intelligent theories about the scene Beam has brought us into. Deeply felt and well-informed, Transparent tells its story from a sharp and fresh perspective. —Time Out New York